Private: Music For My Diamond Darling…
I tried posting this to you in my Facebook message to you many times, but it would not let me! So here it is anyways!! 😀
I wish we could talk to each other; hope you’re having a good night dear ~
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCGGmKTE2n8
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I Will Always Love You
As upsetting as everything is between us,
I still wake up with the beautiful and fun snapshots in time we share,
everything you won’t let yourself think about,
All my ‘Pictures of You’ – the Cure song our relationship now evokes,
which reminds me of us making out while riding along to Cure’s ‘Lovesong’
and the poem I wrote for you about those dreamy days of getting to know you…
“however far away, however long I stray, whatever words I say,
I will always love you…”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQEf1HgNDxc&showinfo=0&w=8&autoplay=1]
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Letter from April 29th
Robin,
I’m up thinking about you as always.
Thinking about one of my many missions…
One of them which I’ve shared with you about –
To return to all the nursing homes (14 of them)
where I’ve previously worked and to start a program
of bringing out children to sing for the elderly.
The vision I told you about, that Holy Spirit gave me
asking me, “Would you be in charge of Operation SonShine.”
…and of which I readily replied,
“Yes! Thank you, my Lord, I would be honored to”
I’m considering the impact which you
and I were meant to have as a team in doing those types
of projects. But now you’ve decided that I’m crazy and
delusional and shame me for sharing my heart with you
about such things. Really hurts me… still.
It was indeed God who brought us together,
and gave us such a great chance to do amazing things together.
I know I was a gift from God to you,
and You a precious gift from Him to me.
No doubt.
In light of your choice to throw us away,
I still pray for you though, that with or without me,
you’ll uncover and follow as much as is possible with what’s left
of your alloted time, your destiny scroll
which was dreamed up and written by our
great Father before the foundation of the world
and now encoded in your DNA.
We were both made to achieve greatness in the Kindgom,
to become His Royal Ambassadors here on Earth, to serve
in His court, but to rule with servant hearts as
His King and Queen for the administration of His
great love and compassion for hurting people.
(This isn’t dellusional mumble jumble… this is serious
responsibility and business ordained by the MOST Holy
and Powerful Being to ever exist, Our Creator.)
I know you have ‘explained away’ you and I to people…
That we were just too different and etc, etc.
And that everything worked out the way it should have
since you are now ‘happily’ trying to fill the vaccum of your heart
with affections from another… and in a very twisted way even
claiming God’s involvement in what happened with us,
despite how our seperation greatly hurt His heart.
And worse, to imply God had anything to do with your breaking us
apart as you did, by having sex with your gym trainer, and now
perpetuating and trying to believe the lie that all this mess was
just meant to be so you could return to an old soul-tie.
Of course, all of that was NOT God’s will in the slightest.
Rather it was that we should grow and become better people
with one another’s help, to draw closer to the Holy Spirit,
perfecting our love for God and one another, so we would be
well equipt for changing the world together.
..Not breaking apart… and def not living some sub-par life
ignoring God’s amazing plans for our lives together.
Even so, I still pray the heart of Jesus, and forgive you
so that what Satan meant for your harm may turn to your good
when you choose again to live for Him instead of yourself.
And I still love you no matter what you’ve ever done,
and despite whatever you may choose to do.
…I hope you hear my heart, instead of defaulting
to defense mode as you are want to do.
Or taking what seems
like the easy way out and just ignoring/blocking out thoughts
about all this, while my heart is still hurting since you have
not expressed any kindness whatsoever towards my feelings in
all of this, at all.
Please consider how much I care about you, and above all else,
I wish you could see how I and God see you and hold you in Our heart!
That you are so special to us… (No matter what!)
You are a Royal Jewel… His Princess.
Beautiful and Perfect in EVERY way.
I love you.
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Raul Trevino or Raul Cantu??
How was I to see the difference between the men you have shared our wine with?
Raul Trevino or Raul Cantu?? …or whoever?
~
We both have had issues of trust because of things which have deeply hurt us in our past.
What happened to you when Tom left you, you feared would happen again.
I feared that you would cheat on me…
You saw how I reacted after your birthday.
I spent all I had to take you out, but you still went out with Raul
And did so just the next day, after you said you wouldn’t the day before.
I was betrayed and very hurt.
…and that hurt me too while I was in Midland…
He is someone I have never even met, taking you out often,
and getting drunk together. When I would call you, you would
ignore me, or drunk-fight with me. It really hurt!
I also never trusted you when you went out with
Heather… cause people do stupid things when they are drunk
and she is a bad influence about hooking up with guys.
I was in a relationship with someone who did that to me alot.
She would come home so drunk, she would fall out of the car.
I loved her, I did everything for her!
I tried so hard to help her stop the coke,
stop the drinking, stop lying to me.
Do you understand now?
…why it hurts me so much when you go out without me?
I am a good man, and I want to give you a good life.
Ok babe?
I’m sorry I let you down, but I was afraid, ok?
Meanhile, you so often projected your fears and insecurites about me leaving you
because of your past hurts… that always drove me away!
But in my heart, I never want to be apart from you 🙂
I know you are a GOOD woman.
You feared me ‘leaving you at the alter’
I feared you hooking up with someone else
Our fears came true.
But that is not what we want!!
Let’s come together and heal from our past, stop this pattern,
and be the best we can be so we can go and help others in this
world that need what we have to share.
You are my amazing partner for life – I love you dear.
– brent
“If you focus on the negative or the problems in your life, your life will be ‘the problem’.
But if you focus on solutions and what you want, your life will be ‘the solution’.” – Amy Applebaum
Posted in Brent and Robin, Private and tagged cheater, cheating heart, messy breakup, raul cantu, raul trevino by Brent with no comments yet.
Alana Zanello
The name Alana \a-la-na\ is pronounced ah-LAH-nah and carries these beautiful meanings:
“precious; awakening”
“precious; offering”
“attractive; peaceful, harmony, noble.”
“the bright fair one, the beautiful child!!”
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqL9PTbrb_c
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOECq7XK4Rk
Posted in Friends, Private and tagged Austin TX by Brent with no comments yet.